The Court of Matriarchs

Omg, I am blogging people. It has been a year since my last entry. I am an inconsistent blogger, I know it, and I feel no shame about it either.

I am writing in reflection of my recent experience at "Reverence: A Tribute to Celebrate the Life and Art of Jamila Salimpour" in Berkeley on September 7, 2013 at the Julia Morgan Theater. I am so moved by this experience that the only way I can possibly express how I feel is to take the time to write it out in pieces.

It was a most touching experience for me on a personal level because my precious Gram passed away this year. Those of you who are close to me know how special my Gram was to me. She was very much a maternal figure in my life. She had always been a source of constant love, affection, attention and support throughout my entire life. She passed on April 6, 2013 - just past the stroke of midnight so as not to pass on Madelynn's birthday, which was April 5th. Madelynn turned 18 this year and I am so grateful my Gram was able to watch me and help me raise her. One of my Gram's greatest legacies was her nursing career and to our delight, Madelynn has decided to go to nursing school. Only weeks before Gram passed Madelynn spent the entire day with her as a student while Gram taught her all the "tricks of the trade" and passed on her highest nursing values.

My Gram and Jamila Salimpour happen to be the same age - 87. My Gram was the grand matriarch of 63 direct descendents - 7 children, 19 grandchildren and 37 great and great great grandchildren. At the very top of this grand tribe was my little petite, but powerful, Gram. Jamila is mother to Suhaila and grandmother to Isabella only, but in so many ways a grand mother to a dance tribe of thousands. Both women were single mothers and complete badasses. They both have a flare that cannot be copied - they both know that the best parts of life are based in family, food, laughter and connection. Although my Gram was no professional, she loved to dance too. Both women defied society's expectations of women and forged new paths for themselves and other women in the world that left blazes afire for many years to come. To offer reverence to Jamila in this show was also, in some ways, a way to offer reverence to my Gram.

While I was backstage for Reverence and trying to catch glimpses of the video footage about Jamila that played on stage, I was in tears of gratitude for Jamila's contributions to the belly dance format. Her research, dedication, consistency, and love of the art form played a direct role in why I had become a belly dancer. Her contributions created American belly dance culture as I knew it. I made sure to wear a chain coin belt from my very first belly dance teacher, Asha Diana, from Lupus, MO who taught Jamila's format. I wore it as homage to not only my first teacher, whom I respect, but to the far reaching impact of Jamila's work. I also wore a few pieces of my gram's jewelry to pay homage to her belief in me and my dance. I stood there in the dark sending up "thank you, thank you, thank you," prayers to the great goddess for the influential female/mother/grandmother teachers and role models in my life. Because, of course, without Jamila we would also not have Suhaila, who has been the most significant teacher and mentor of my life.

I knew it was no coincidence that we were dancing in the beautiful Julia Morgan Theater. I did my research and discovered to my absolute delight that Julia Morgan was one of America's great architects at the turn of the 20th century, primarily known for her incredible wood work. She actually graduated from architectural school in 1894. Now that is a badass. She originally created the space as a church and it is primarily made of redwood. The space was intimate, beautiful and sacred - and created by a powerful woman. Reverence could not have been in a more perfect location. We were offering reverence to Jamila and we were offering reverence to the female strength to build things outside of ourselves - to create bigger and bolder and more expansive than we even possibly realize.

Directed by another badass, Amy Sigil of Unmata, the show was divided into 3 acts about Jamila's life. The first two acts exemplified her circus experience in the 1940s and cabaret club solo career in the 1950s - all played by an array of dancers from different genres of the national belly dance community, including Sabriya Tekbilek, Rachel Brice, Asharah and Ashley Lopez amongst others. Zoe Jakes danced the Mother Earth Goddess dance in the final act, Jamila's infamous Bal Anat, from her 1970s Renaissance Fair performance era. The Mother Earth Goddess dance, channeled by Zoe, was absolutely mesmerizing. As I stood on stage in the circle watching her, with hands folded in respect, I felt a strong vibration of affirmation and encouragement run up my spine and perhaps throughout the entire dance congregation. I glanced at Jamila in the audience and saw her proud smile and then at Suhaila to see her sparkling eyes watching us. I took in this sweet coming together of soul sisters and sent a little prayer to Gram. I realized in that moment that this entire service was in dedication to the Court of Matriarchs.

2012 Transformations

Wow - it has been two years since my last post. So much has changed. I closed the studio downtown. It is true. It brings me to tears to type that so point blank. It is not so much that I miss it - but, reading through the posts in this semi-abandoned blog from 2009 and 2010, when I was building that dream, has made me nostalgic and sentimental. I loved that space. Good ole Saint James. We built the most beautiful, gorgeous, embryonic red floors. Those floors wrapped you up like a fetus while in shivasana after a juicy yoga class with Sienna. Those floors pumped energy up the soles of your feet as you drilled around the room repeating the same movement over and over - in a Suhaila drill. There was not an inch of those floors that I had not sanded, painted, touched with my bare hands. I cleaned every inch of them every week with hot water and essential oils. I loved those floors. Problems with the space, a downturn in the economy, James and I breaking up, a couple seriously toxic neighbors and a crystal clear vision received directly from the Goddess herself, that said to me, "Run like hell!," all led to my closing the space. Two years of running Moon Belly in that space was an adventure and I learned so much about myself - both good and bad things. I learned that I am a great leader with vision, creativity and energy, but need to learn to delegate. In typical single mother style, I tried to do everything myself. Money was tight and it was hard for me to visualize enough coming in to hire the staff I really needed. Too many years of poverty were shading my ability to see abundance or trust in abundance. Overall, I set up a situation in which I had very little support. Sadly, this is a recurring pattern I keep finding myself weaving in and out of. I am working on these issues and have learned to forgive myself for them, but trying to learn and grow from them too. I am now teaching one class a week. Just one class, that is all. I used to teach 10+ per week. Life is simple now. I teach at the School of Missouri Contemporary Ballet and it is a great space run by dedicated dancers and artists. It is well lit, pragmatic, solid and functional. I am so very grateful for MCB. I have much more free time in the evenings to share with my daughters. This makes me happy. I still teach private lessons in my home and the Moon Belly Ensemble and DragonFly Company still exist, just much smaller and on a 2012 mello membership trip. All is exactly as it should be. xoxo - K

Yesterday I went back to dance class for the first time in almost a year. I had been pretty excited about going throughout the day, right up until I parked the car and realized that I was entering the intermediate class. Was I ready for the challenge? Mentally? Spiritually? – yes. Desperately, even. Physically? – not so sure. Over the previous three years I had built myself up to ten studio hours a week, but being relatively inactive and recovering from a recent ankle sprain, doubt that I would be able to manage even one hour in an intermediate class seeped very quickly into my conscience.

I managed to make my way into the building, a mix of nervous energy. Down the stairs, around the corner, and forward, to the other side of the door-glass. I was in! As soon as I saw some of the familiar faces, my spiritual well filled completely up, but I still wasn’t confident in my ability to jump right in with the physical demand I knew was ahead. I shared that fear with some of the other girls, who rolled their eyes and promised I’d be fine.

Going back in the classroom after that long reprieve ended up being extremely refreshing. It was new and familiar at once. The mats and lockers were moved so I had to orient myself through that process while simultaneously figuring out how to write my check with the checkbook balanced on my hip. I also filled out a punch card, which I’d never done before. Everyone else seemed so casual as I hurried through these administrative tasks. When I looked around for a spot in the room, however, my old space was there waiting for me. Front, left. Relief and fear commingled once more as I placed myself between the mirror and the rest of the class. I tried not to look too closely in either direction.

Then Kandice started talking. To everyone. She is a teacher. She is organized, thorough, enlightening, enthusiastic, resourceful, and motivating. Everyone was quiet and attentive as she reviewed the semester’s activities, and as she spoke, each of us hoped with a first-grader’s frenzy to make eye contact with her: to weigh in with her what we hoped to see in ourselves. Because she is that kind of teacher.

Thus class begins. After announcements, we stretch gracefully and begin to count out the beats with our minds, bodies, and voices. I was relieved to recognize the routine, mentally and physically. I smiled and breathed and felt just right. And so my experience in the class revealed itself to me not as a lost student but as a returning student, and it revealed more than I had expected.

Aside from the rigorous physical conditioning for strength, endurance, and coordination, Moon Belly classes offer a uniquely fulfilling experience. It’s a hike through an internal mountain range. A hymn sung of the female soul. A circle of heat and motion that feeds on itself but requires each dancer’s individual attention such as we, the dancers, had sought in that glimpse of Kandice’s introductory eye.

My favorite thing about Kandice as an instructor is that she honors the sacredness that we seek in bringing our selves to the class(es) each week, but she also welcomes the profane motives that we cannot shed when we show up there either. Fortunately, Moon Belly studio is the most accepting and freeing environment and it truly reciprocates by design to those who chose to participate. It represents the dance and the dancer and offers every woman her own space. We are free to honor whatever aspect of ourselves brought us to the studio and fear no judgment. Some wish to perform, some hope to awaken some sensual part of themselves, some come to find out what their friend has been going on about, and some simply come because, really, who wants to go to a step class when there’s belly dance in our midst?

Kandice continued to facilitate the training, directing us in the drills. When possible, I would close my eyes, find my way through the music, the flow of the class, so as to distract myself from the struggle I was having with my body to perform the way I wanted. When necessary, I would drop the drill and loosen my tense stance for a quick two or three or four steps of infectious boogaloo, then it’s right back into formation.

I was amazed to find myself keeping up, for the most part, with the rest of the class. My legs hadn’t gone out from under me as I’d feared after the warm-up had left me shaking uncontrollably. In reality, I became enraptured by the rhythm and the consciousness of my body’s reawakening. These two things created an ethereal sensuality that continued to build during that one hour.

Since I was a kid, I’ve always invested my energy in some kind of physical training. Gymnastics, aerobics, yoga, step, salsa, swing, etc. I even tried to teach a few of those. Once, in a yoga exercise manual, I came across an explanation that movement of any kind is both dependent upon and limited by the gravitational pull of objects in our universe. I hadn’t thought of it that way before. Without gravity, we are completely unstable, but as gravity increases, our mobility becomes more limited. As that idea grew, I came to understand movement, dance especially, as a flaunting of the human spirit conducted between the positive and negative charge of the earth and moon and all other celestial bodies. While we get pulled in a myriad of directions, the consummate hold of these various forces is ultimately and ironically what determines our mobility. Dancers both celebrate and challenge the claim that the universe naturally has on our bodies, often beautifully. Through dance we recognize as both liberating and pre-defined the individual freedom available within these universal parameters and their cyclical rhythms. The beauty of movement, it can be said, is thus prescribed by the edge and arc of the moon’s loving sword.

But Moon Belly doesn’t take on such a concept of terms, necessarily. I just think about things way too much sometimes. At the ground level, Moon Belly Dance Studio is a functional facility for body conditioning. Within that there is an awakening of spirit that happens to be uniquely female. Dance comes individually or as part of another layer in the Moon Belly experience, depending on the individual dancer’s premise. Because the focus of most of the primary classes is conditioning and internalization of the muscular control of movement, it is hard to explain to people that most of the time spent in class is not dedicated at all to dance. Sometimes I have been critical of that myself. Such as, we’re in a dance class, so why aren’t we busting some moves here? You see, I love to dance. I want to let my freak flag fly when I am drawn in by a heavy rhythm. But when in the studio, there is a discipline of form, a consciousness of rhythm, and an internal awareness that supersedes my personal desires to break completely free. BUT, when I do dance on my own now, my whole body dutifully, often graciously, assumes the task and is guided by the discipline my body has come instinctively to process. Dance, therefore, can be seen as the reward rather than the method of Moon Belly. And because of those methods, I am able to be more creative with my own movement. I see this as a sign of success in any course of instruction, which brings me again to say, Kandice is that kind of teacher.

Namaste. I can’t wait to go back.

Written by Jeni Polacek

We are Moving Downtown!

I can't believe this is actually happening! This has been a dream of mine for many years...I have always wanted a beautiful studio in the heart of downtown Columbia. And, at the start of the magical year of 2010, we will be there!

How did this happen? It was planned, but spontaneous. I've been visualizing what I wanted for quite some time, but I have been too full of fear and doubt to actually make a move toward the vision until now. And, perhaps that is for good reason. It was not the right time 6 months ago or 1 year ago.

It is truly the dedication of the DragonFlies and Moon Belly Ensemble that encourages me to dream bigger and push harder. I feel like I am moving with and for them. This space is not just mine. Not at all. It is for a growing dance community of strong, open hearted, dedicated and true dancers. When I see my dancers every week walk in the door ready to work, sweat and toil...I feel a sense of responsibility and duty to making their experience worthy and healing. They rely on each other too. It is truly an amazing group affection that pushes everyone forward every week, every day. Get ready ladies, we are going for a ride!

I love that we are moving onto St. James street. As many of you know, I got engaged this year to James Barber. His father passed away 6 days after I said YES! and he is one of our guardian angels. His name is also James. My James (Jr.) will be installing the hardwood floors and working on all of the lighting and sound details we need to dance comfortably. He is a savior! The fact that we are moving onto St. James is no coincidence.

Inner Voices by Tricia Dietrich

It's weird. My body has the ability to demonstrate complicated belly dance technique, but I am trying to get over this serious mind-trip when it comes to choreography. My expectations get in the way too much. It's a trip because I practiced technique for the two years I took a break from Moon Belly performances. Now that I am performing with MB again, I have these warped expectations that I should be able to do choreography again and that it should come back easily.

When there is no pressure I pick up things so much easier. When I put pressure on myself I find a dichotomy in my personality. The floaty creative part of me gets distracted by the beat of the music. While struggling to remember the choreo I rebelliously hesitate and dreamily think, "Awww...I like how that little bird chirps in the downbeat of the second half of the 3rd eight count. I never noticed that before. I'm going to celebrate these new sounds with my own little movements."

While the perfectionist in me is yelling, "Keep your arms up!!. Turn on the 2!!!! We go this way!!!! Stay in line!!! Be right behind me!!!! Remember this next time!!! Get it finally!!! Get it next time because you are behind!!!!" The perfectionist wins over struggling and shoving the rebellious floaty dreamer dancer aside and says, "I'm going to concentrate and give this my very best and I am going to get it and remember it in par with everyone else."

When I don't get it right away I lose patience, get flustered, and floaty creative me says, "God this is stupid. Why do I need to know this anyway? I need to develop my own style and do my own thing. But I really do like this dance, and I do enjoy dancing in a troupe, and working my body....and I am still so damn excited about that bird that chirped in the downbeat of the second half of the third eight count. Shit it was so cool. I do really want to be a part of this."

Perfectionist wonders, "Man I really suck at this. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a belly dancer? I feel overwhelmed. I want to shut down. I want to slow down so I can do everything perfect. I need to go away from everyone and just run through it really slowly so I get it all. I feel old. I feel left in the dust. I cannot catch up. Oh my god, I am a failure! Maybe I just don't need this in my life because I am challenged enough as it is. I should just sit at the sidelines and watch. It's too much."

And then I get really pissed off and start blaming everyone around me. But, I keep doing it. And I keep doing it and keep doing it until eventually, something miraculous happens.

I feel the dance and my muscles and head mesh together. And finally things click and the dichotomies no longer exist. My ability to remember my movements and simultaneously move my body are harmoniously working together and it is fun. I am thoroughly enjoying myself and I remember why I am here.

After class each week I walk away with a flurry of emotions. The feelings are always different. Sometimes I feel cleansed, rank, powerful, sexy, and earthy, an embodiment of the wild feminine. Other times I have a greater sense of confidence and dignity that helps me demand Victorian ladylike respect. Other times I feel overcome, like I got a real ass-kicking. Sometimes I feel like banging my head against a wall. Sometimes I feel like a failure. Sometimes I feel incredibly conquered and powerless and have to call my mother and cry to her like a little girl.


I realize how this process is nothing new. How I have been acting out this process over and over again for 32 years and it is a cycle that I have identified as an aspect of my persona.

However, belly dance helps me take utilize this process to dive deeper into my femininity. And explore the depths of who I am as a woman in this world. Every week I challenge these dichotomies: mind/body. I am so thankful that Moon Belly is a space that helps open all these doorways for me.





Another note:

I found some great music I have some mighty fun costume ideas in mind. I feel a change in myself. I suddenly look at home decorations as nifty costume props. And I use costume props as home decorations!

Building a Dream...

(Photo by Nichelle Lawrence)


Find what is in your heart and do it.

The Mother in The Body

My 7-year old daughter woke up one morning a few weeks ago and said she had a dream about me dancing. I thought to myself, "oooh, ahhh, how sweet!" Until she described to me that I looked like a sex pot and that men were looking at me and she felt scared.

Hmmm...that was a bit of a downer for the morning.

She said it reminded her of a soda commercial she had seen with Christina Aguilera in it. I felt her confusion as she tried to process what media tells her is beautiful and sexy and also what her mommy does for a living.

So many questions surfaced for me: What do we, as grown women, do with all of these sexualized images of women that we see all day, every day? What do our innocent girls do with them?

How do we as women translate these images into our psyche? Do we try to aspire towards these ideals? Do we fight them? Do we compromise somewhere in between?

How do we as belly dancers transform the images of ourselves into something powerful or meaningful? Do we always want to? Is there not a little sick part of every woman that wants to attain the ideals of beauty that our culture and media shove down our throats?

We all know that large-scale market interests exploit women's insecurities about their looks. We all know that media and capitalism promotes an unattainable goal of physical perfection that is created purely for the sake of profit. We can see how sexuality is objectified and turned into something detached from the heart and soul. We know these things because we are not stupid and because we are bombarded by this reality thousands of times every day of our lives.

Sharlene Nagy Hesse-Biber says, "Mothers are crucial brokers of cultural norms...A mother's attitude about her own body image influences her daughter." So, I tried to explain to my daughter why I dance and wear the costumes I do. I tried to explain to her little mind that I am trying to create a new vision of femininity that does not separate mind and body and that is a healthy compromise between what I find beautiful and what culture tells me is beautiful. I tried to tell her I am trying to make my own life and be my own person, but that this task is not easy. I tried to tell her that at Moon Belly we are creating a new measuring stick that is more than the sum of our body parts, but that is empowered by a positive sense of our own individual ideas of sexuality. I tried to tell her that making dances and performing them is both utilitarian and aesthetic. Humans need sensory stimulation to thrive as much as we need food and shelter. Art helps us praise, glorify, mourn and celebrate.

I am not sure she comprehended much of what I was trying to say. I don't think I intellectually grasped it very clearly either. But, on an intuitive level I can feel that the interior dimension behind my practice of belly dance is sensitive to culture, socialization, as well as my inner truth.

Maybe one day she will feel it too?

Bless her.

Once more, I've had the pleasure of being a part of Kandice Grossman's vision extraodinaire! Taking part in her "WOMAN: God, Sex, and My Body" performance brought me such a thrill, and a jonesin like nobody's business to (*gasp*) perform again.

For this particular performance, I had my first experience on stage using a sword. Dancing to "Within You Without You" by the Beatles, which is chock full of Hindu spirituality and in the vein of much Indian classical music, our piece was in the "God" portion of the show.

For me, the most important thing about this performance (as drilled in class) was to become part of the group, not merely execute movements on beat. From the beginning, we were warned that this would be a different learning experience. This was proven immediately as we began to learn the choreography . . . learning with the lyrics as opposed to with 8 counts. We were instructed to be amoeba-like, to connect with each other, instead of focusing on being the one who was "doing it right" to come together (no Beatles pun intended) as one and, well, gel!

I think the line: "And to see you're really only very small/and life flows on within you and without you" sums it up quite well. Letting go of the ego on stage and becoming a part of the troupe was a bit harder than I thought, especially with a sword balanced on my head through various portions of the song. And I don't mean ego in the sense of arrogance, I mean the " the part of a person's self that is able to recognize that person as being distinct from other people and things." Turning with the sword balanced was going to be the end of me, or so I thought. But as the performance drew near, I grew relatively relaxed about it. Perhaps because this was my 3rd time performing, perhaps because we had such great instruction, perhaps because of a growing confidence that I am becoming a dancer.

Performing at The Blue Note in Columbia was a rush for me. In front of nearly 300 people, no less. Backstage, we kept getting reports about the line snaking into the alley. People. In line. I had some nervous moments, I'll admit. One or two lurches of the stomache. Intense dehydration right before we took the stage. But relatively, I was calm and knew what to do with these nerves. Deep breaths. Water. Yes, obvious solutions but when anxiety takes over it fogs my brain and pretty much renders any logical thought impossible.

On stage, I believe I only faltered once, trying to lower myself to the ground, sword on head, while doing figure 8's. I felt like the figure 8's disappeared and even jutted my arm up once in fear of the sword sliding off. But I didn't touch the sword, thank goodness, as it probably would've made it worse. Of course, if I see a video of the performance I'm sure I'll be Emily Critic #1. As usual. But for now, I feel pretty good about it. I even attempted to feel a connection with audience members, looking into the crowd for the first time without wanting to run off stage!

I feel even better though, about the whole sense of the show, the sense of community I see between the Dragonfly mama's, MoonBelly sistahs, and the local artists that support the show. Guest dancers Outer Limits and Pulguinha, costume designer Suzanne, the way everyone contributes. And how cool is the Columbia community for showing up in droves to this show? Until next time . . . I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

Merry Christmas Moon Belly Dancers

To all of the beautiful Moon Belly Dancers,

I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!!!!!

Thank you for you enthusiastic participation in the WOMAN show!!!!! Everyone did such a fabulous job. No one got cranky!!! No one even complained during our elongated rehearsal!!! I was so proud of each and every one of you that night. You got up there in front of nearly 300 people and bared your soul! The amount of strength it takes to be vulnerable in this way is indescribable...yet, you did it. With bells on at that!!! It is such an honor to have such a strong, powerful, yet sweet and vulnerable, group of juicy women as my dance ensemble!

Every single one of you is so special in your own unique way. You are all such cool, rad chicks...I could never imagine I would be so lucky. The catty, girl-bull-s**t that can sometimes come up in groups of women this size is VANISHED, GONE, NADA!!! I never see any of that kind of wasteful behavior...and it makes me feel so lucky and proud.

You are temple dancers, lovers of the world, joyful celebrations of everything that makes life so sweet and magical. You are jewels. Rare and exotic, but hard and strong.
But, most of all, you are artists. Hardworking, midwestern, down-to-earth, high-in-the -sky, dancing and creating artists. I am honored to work with each of you.

The memories we are creating together will go down in a long, long story I will write one day. Your sweat, tears and dances will live a long, long time.

I love ya'll, more than you know!!!

I will miss you like crazy over break...and I look forward to seeing each of you in 2009!!!

Sincerely,

Kandi

PS We made enough money at the show to buy a new video camera and projector screen!!! Merry Christmas to Moon Belly. This will be such an aide for choreography refinement!!!

WOMAN: complex and paradoxical

Reasons to attend the WOMAN show on Saturday, December 13th 2008.

1. Conceptual and inspirational belly dance fusion choreography.
2. Gorgeous dancers, beautiful costumes, amazing soundtrack.
3. Support your local artists.
4. Ponder the meaning of life.
5. Witness honest and intimate vulnerability.
6. When was the last time you cried over something beautiful?
7. Cuz you came to Travlin' Home in May and you want to see how we've grown.
8. To leave thinking.
9. To see the hot ass sound and light guy.
10. Soft delicacy mixed with strength and power.

11. Oh yeah...and the rocking after-party at The Blue Note is going to be howling...


PRESS RELEASE

Moon Belly Dance Studio

Contact: Kandice Grossman FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
573.815.9187
bellydance@moonbelly.org

“WOMAN”
Belly Dance Fusion Performance – The Blue Note
8:30 p.m. December 13, 2008

COLUMBIA — Moon Belly Dance Studio presents “WOMAN,” a theatrical dance production, at The Blue Note on Saturday, Dec. 13. “WOMAN,” a one hour show, features an intriguing mix of belly dance fusion and moving reflections into the female experiences of god, sex and body.

Moon Belly celebrates the ancient art form of belly dance, and also brings a fresh fusion to the stage with hip-hop, jazz, African and modern influences. The “WOMAN” soundtrack includes everything from renowned Moroccan music to Beyonce.

Performers include the Dragonflies Belly Dance Company, the Moon Belly Dance Ensemble and the University of Missouri’s Outer Limits Hip-Hop Dance Team.

“WOMAN is truly a diverse collaboration, from our Moon Belly and Outer Limits dancers to costumes by local designer Suzanne VanSickle and video montages by several local artists,” Grossman said. “I see the show as an in-motion collage of the multi-faceted and often contradictory experiences of womanhood.”

Moon Belly productions provide innovative, homegrown perspectives on dance performance. The studio, located in Parkade Plaza, has offered belly dance classes since 2006 and now also offers hip hop, African and jazz dance as well as yoga and Zumba.

All ensemble dancers are Moon Belly Dance Studio students, brought together under the direction of Artistic Director Kandice Grossman. With a master’s degree in women’s studies, Grossman is acutely aware of women’s issues and informs her choreographies from the lives of the women in our community. Her students are women with full-time jobs, families and complicated lives. Their dedication to dance, coupled with their real life experiences, adds honesty to the show in a way that is both vulnerable and powerful.

Tickets can be purchased at www.thebluenote.com; $7 students, $10 community.

For more information, please call Kandice Grossman at 815-9187 or visit www.moonbelly.org.

Meditation Meets Kama Sutra

So, I am smelling the flowers these days. Or, at least trying to. The outside world of work and to-do lists keeps trying to take over. Like everyone else, I get caught up in what I am supposed to be doing instead of experiencing the now. And the fight to smell the flowers is just that: a fight. Paradoxically, the "fight" doesn't originate in stress or anger. It is more a meditation, a state of mind.

You have all heard this before. This is not a new concept. Spiritual leaders from Jesus to John Lennon have been singing and preaching to be here and now for ages. Sadly, though, it is like we have to constantly remind ourselves anyway. The practice is more important than the ideal.

You are what you do.

As a belly dancer, my latest obsession is learning to play the finger cymbals fluently. And, I am loving every second of it. When I am playing cymbals it is like reaching into a new space of reality. A peaceful space. Dancing is the same way, don't get me wrong, but I am at a place in my training where I can go deeper. When the rhythm is pumping through my body and I am playing with the music...my stress goes away. The to-do lists vanish. The world blurs into the illusion that it all really is.

Being able to layer dance movement and play the finger cymbals at the same time is a challenge. (Thank you to Suhaila for making it an uber-challenge at that!) It is not all joy-joy. But, in the effort comes the meditation again.

In belly dance we have a goal to make the dance appear effortless. Believe it or not, it is a huge compliment when an audience member says, "That looks easy. I think I can do it, too." The larger goal in belly dance though is not make it "appear" effortless, but eventually for it to feel like an untapped force channeling through and out the body. Effort is involved, but it is at ease. A calm effort.

The art of Middle Eastern dance is an interesting medium for meditation because there is a powerful sensual element. Meditation meets Kama Sutra. So, not only am I tapping into a state of mind that is focused and unfocused at the same time, but I am opening up areas of the body that rarely get to be free. Vibrating the glutes is a special treat that only happens after years of training. And, let me tell you, the elated benefits of super-glute control for your expressions of sensuality are just simply too personal and joyful to explain in a blog.

(Side note: My best friend in Chicago keeps begging me to teach her how to vibrate 7 different ways while sitting on a man. My response: get your ass to class!)

Some people jog. Some people practice kung fu. I belly dance. I find the greatest source of meditation in the moments of complex, layered movement and rhythm. I have a funny (and great) feeling that this is only going to get better with time. I am so excited to practice on into my prime years.

Don't be envious. It is just a distraction from your desire to go there too. Just get your ass to class!

This is what Community feels like: Thank You

The day before my birthday I found nits in Isadora's hair. Shit. shit. shit.

I surrendered to louse warfare and engaged full force. shampoo x 3 in the household. 4 hours of combing. vacuumed and ironed the mattresses, couches, chairs. laundry, continuous laundry.

At around 4am in the morning of my birthday (I was born at 5:02am, mind you) I was awakened by the feeling of warm piss oozing into my pajamas. Isadora peed on me. lovely. changed the sheets again.

Woke up, said happy birthday to myself, stepped on a juicy slug that was slugging across my bedroom floor. Went to the laundry room and found cat shit on a pile of freshly washed clothes. Spilled spoiled milk all over my pants and found moth worms in my flax seed. What the fuck, right?

I was having a parasitic birthday party...

I went to class at 6pm with the mindset of "this birthday sucks, let it go. No expectations. Get the day over with." I was planning on dancing until 10pm and coming home to work on my newlsetter until it got done. Even if it meant sleep time at 2am. I had a list of stuff to get done. Birthday-shmirthday.

As the advanced girls filed in, Christi handed me an envelope. Everyone gathered around. I thought to myself, "oh, no they didn't." Yes, they did. The DragonFlies and several of my most devoted students all went in on a new stereo sound system for the studio. The blood rushed to my head, I saw stars, I started to happy cry, but I couldn't really. I was in shock. I went from cat-shit, nit pickin' hell to the feeling of utmost gratitude. I felt loved and appreciated.

I had just come out of a low too. One of those nasty small business owner lows when I had been doubting everything I was doing at Moon Belly. All those doubts melted in two seconds. It was a jolt. It was a surprise from the women I love most in the world. It was a message, "We believe in you."

I know they have their own selfish motives here too. Ever since the ipod speakers croaked we have been drilling to computer speakers that tweeked and twinged with every bass. But, it was more than selfish desire. It was an investment. It was, yet again, another form of commitment to themselves as dancers and to the community at Moon Belly.

I canceled class and went out for a stiff drink with all the gals. I came home a few hours later and just cried. I cried because I am happy. I cried because I am grateful. I cried because these women knew better than myself what I needed. This is what community feels like. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

To the Moon Belly dancers:

Thank you from the bottom of my heart ladies. My heart will thump every time I look at my new 30" maude deco speakers and feel that bass rock the sushi plates at KoJaba upstairs.

I never cease to be amazed by your devotion. When I see ya'll in home posture, glutes contracting, sweat dripping down your face and that look in your eye of sheer and utter will...it reminds me of why I am doing this. The magic you bring to the wood floors of Moon Belly will remain there for years and years. Even after we are gone. When you dance, you change the world.

Love-love always,

Kandice

Takes Two to Tango

I recently started taking Argentine Tango lessons with Master K. I am in love with this art form. What a wonderful teacher he is! He is a very respectful dancer and teacher. He is kind, supportive and patient. I am catching on rather quickly (so he says...I feel like an idiot about half the time).

Master K contacted me randomly via email and wanted to know if I was interested in lessons. I had no idea who he was. I had never danced with a partner before. I am a belly dancer with a background in women's studies. Needless to say, I was a wee bit skeptical to say the least.

Who was this guy? And why did he want to give me Tango lessons?

Every girlfriend and female relative I told about the opportunity asked, "Why?"
My 85 year-old-gram, who I consult on all important issues, said "Is he a pervert?" She proceeded to call on a weekly basis after I started lessons to make sure he was NOT a pervert. I, of course, googled the guy to make sure he was legit. All looked good. Great, even.

So, I took the dive. I am so happy I did. It really wasn't that difficult of a decision, despite all of the above mentioned precautionary jabbers, I am almost always open to new things and meeting new people. I knew before the google search that I was sold.

So, here I am: a beginner Argentine Tango student.

How does this relate to belly dance?

Tango is a sensual and beautiful art form. I realized that the same type of skepticism and uncertainty about Master K also happens to me as soon as I tell people I am a belly dancer. The main difference is a reverse in gender stereotypes. I get a look like, "Oh you are living on the edge, girlfriend." Or, "You must be a sex crazed Kama Sutra expert!" Or even, "Don't talk to my husband."

Sometimes, I even get asked, "Do you do strip tease, too?" I love that one.

What is so hilarious is that belly dance has nothing to do with any of these ridiculous insinuations. It is such a misunderstood art form. The problem, like Argentine Tango, is that it does explore and express sensuality.

Our cultural inheritance has layered sensuality and sexuality so thick that most people don't know the difference between the two.

It is hard to find a good definition of sensuality. I found this description online at an IntimateExpressionGift.com no less!

"Sensuality means to be aroused by things of beauty, luxury and refinement, to be aware of and explore the world, life and love with all the senses. To be sensual is to be aware of and appreciate the natural, ecstasy that can be found in the sensuous, passionate world of feeling, inhabited by poets, artists, song writers and dreamers. Being sensual brings to us a life felt through our senses, seen only in the world of spirit."

To dance a sensuous dance, your world is enhanced by awareness, appreciation and acceptance for who and what you are. A passion for life and love.

Tango lessons will be offered at Moon Belly soon and I am so excited to share this with everyone!

The DragonFlies: Why we chose the name

This weekend Suhaila asked me, "When did you start The DragonFlies Belly Dance Company?"

I said, "About 5 years ago."

She said, "Where did you start it?"

I said, "In my living room."

She said, "Where did the name come from?"

I said, "My daughter made it up."

Madelynn was 7 years old at the time. We were living in a 30s style bungalow house in East Campus. We had transformed the living room into a dance studio the year before. I started teaching classes in the house after the birth of my second daughter, Isadora, who is now turning 7 this year. It is odd to think that the company is nearly as old as my daughter. I have birthed, nursed and managed to raise up a healthy 7 year old and a 5 year old dance company.

I was single when both of my daughters were born. During both pregnancies, the relationships I was in, with their respective fathers, crumbled. So, by the time they were born--I was solo both times. When Isadora came along, I was a bit more freaked about having two kids by myself than I was the first time around when I was younger, more free-spirited and more ignorant about the unfairness of life in general. Nonetheless, I bucked up and decided I would do it the way I wanted to do it despite the odds against me. I committed to nursing Isadora and staying at home with her until she was two years old. This was important to me. Teaching dance in the living room became one of the many odd jobs (including as close-as-you-can-get to sweat shop sewing labor) I performed at home to make ends meet. They barely met most months.

Teaching dance came out of necessity for me. I had been dancing for nearly 6 years at that point (I calculate how long I do anything based on my children's ages. I started belly dancing when Madelynn was a baby and she is now 13 years old, you do the math). It was a passionate hobby for me, but my dream was not to become a professional belly dancer. I was on the road to PhD Professor. Unexpected pregnancy, extreme poverty, lack of child support, an economy designed for a two-person income, and a stubborn refusal to put my babe in daycare put a bit of a damper on plan A. (I am not opposed to daycare by any means. Madelynn had gone to daycare as a baby. But this was my second baby and the last baby I knew I was every going to have. It was a choice I made for my personal values at the time.)

Teaching belly dance was fun. The living room studio started with random old mirrors I had found here and there that were supposed to fit on dressers or decorate bathroom walls. It was so bohemian it is hilarious. Isadora toddled around our feet in class. I could only get about 7 or 8 people in class at one time. I didn't have any idea where it was headed. My main priority was to be able to stay at home with my baby. In spring 2002 she was less than six months old and I performed with her wrapped up in silks and strapped onto my belly at Earth Day. Madelynn danced with me too. It was so sweet. I will never forget that dance.

The DragonFlies came about a year or so into teaching. I realized that I was starting to really love teaching and I wanted to bump it up a level. I wanted a troupe and I wanted us to perform out in town in a more organized way than I had done before. I wanted us to prepare choreographies ahead of time and rehearse them well. That sort of thing. I was starting to take this whole "belly dancing" thing more seriously.

Madelynn had been calling our house the DragonFly House because it was owned by the infamous Grace Ho of East Campus. She was a Chinese immigrant who, in her heyday, had owned a very large portion of student rental houses in East Campus. Her husband had died many years earlier in the house and still wandered the wood floors late at night. The basement was full to the ceiling with all of her belongings, as well as enough supplies to hold us over 3-5 years after a nuclear holocaust if we did it right.

Grace Ho was called the "Dragon Lady" by many who knew her because of her witchy ways. So, Madelynn called our house the Dragon-fly house. I was sitting on the basement stairs pondering what to call my new dance troupe. I was staring at an old Chinese novel that was stacked on top of a random box and was starting to fall apart. Madelynn said, "Call them The DragonFlies." And that was that. She has always been good at naming things.

The Real Woman Creed

I believe that within me lies an extraordinary radiance,
and I commit to letting my light loose in the world.

I believe that the source of my power and wisdom is in the center of mybeing, and I commit to acting from this place of strength.

I believe that I possess an abundance of passion and creative potential and I commit to the expression of these gifts.

I believe that the time has come to let go of old notions and unhealthy attitudes, and I commit to re-examine what I have been told about beauty and dismiss what insults my soul.

I believe that negative thoughts and words compromise my well-being, and I commit to thinking and speaking positively about myself and others.

I believe that young women are in need of positive role models, andI commit to being an example of authenticity and self-love.

I believe in the relationship between my well-being and the well-being of the planet, and I commit to a life of mindfulness that regards all living things as holy and worthy of my love.

I believe it is my spiritual responsibility to care for my body with respect,kindness and compassion.

I commit to balancing my life in such a way that my physical being is fully expressed and nurtured.I believe that joy is an essential part of wellness, and I commit to removing obstacles to joy and creating a life that is full of exuberance.

I believe that a woman who loves herself is a powerful, passionate,attractive force, and I commit, from this day forward, to loving myself deeply and extravagantly.

Seeking New Logo for DragonFlies Belly Dance Company

DragonFlies Contemporary Belly Dance Company seeking new logo.
Design to encompass 5 Beautiful women. Sexy and strong, extremely strong.
Must be creative, insectual and antique-looking.
Not interested in fake bugs. We want the real deal, hairy and big-eyed.
573-815-9187

Integration

"My fullest concentration of energy is available to me only when I integrate all the parts of who I am, openly, allowing power from particular sources of my living to flow back and forth freely through all my different selves, without the restrictions of externally imposed definition."

Audre Lorde Age, Race, Class and Sex: Women Redefining Difference

For me, "Trav'lin Home" is a metaphorical and literal journey. Producing this show was the first time I felt all of the different aspects of my identity come together into full integration. All of my life I have wondered "what am I going to be when I grow up?" I finally discovered it on May 31st, 2008.

I AM
woman
mother
dancer
director
leader
entertainer
ideas
tears
flowers
stamina
music
visions
faith
trust
beauty
laughs
light
daughter
friend
sister
teacher
activist
community

Overwhelming Gratitude

madelynn newborn photo by nichelle lawrence

Daughters...
When the little girls danced on stage to Amazing Grace by the Cherokee National Children's Chior, tears started rolling down my face. I watched as my two very healthy and vibrant daughters danced with grace and strength under heavenly blue lights. I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for their health and for the opportunity to share such a powerful and creative experience with them by my side the whole time. They are both life-saving angels.

Dance partner...
When I saw Christi in the dark in the wings on the other side of the stage with her shoulders down and back, neck long and arms full of energy...prepared and ready to meet me in the middle. I teared up with gratitude for such an incredible dance partner and friend. She is such a woman! I am so grateful for her sisterhood and incredible stamina.

A best friend...
As pictures started to project on the screen in black and white and beauty filled the theater in a wave of silence and awe, I cried tears of gratitude for Nichelle Lawrence, my best gal-friend. Her photos were even more beautiful than I remembered in our last rehearsal. To share her work alongside mine was such a moment. It settled into my gut really strong how important it is to nurture my friendships over long periods of time. Our trust and bond is too deep to put into words. I am so grateful for her.

The audience...
When the crowd stood up in applause, tears sprang from my eyes. Are they really standing up? Is this really happening? Was it good? Did it move you? I am so grateful you came!!!! Thank you for your time and your energy!!! So good to see you again!!! I am humbled before your presence.

Gram...
When my 85-year old Gram brought me flowers with tears rolling down her face...I have never felt more proud and happy. I am so grateful that she was healthy enough to be at my first staged production. I am so grateful she taught me to be such a firecracker. She is my red hot chili pepper.

Moon Belly Warriors...
When the curtain closed and I turned around to see 30 performers at my back. I thought, "where did all of these dance warriors come from? When did I gain such an incredible company? How am I so lucky?" Gratitude poured from my heart like fire from a volcano. My heart chakra flew open and all I could feel was love.

My students...
When the Moon Belly student troupe brought me cards and a spa gift certificate after the show...I was in shock. I love all of them so much. Each and every women in that group is beautiful in her very own unique and glorious way. I can see so much potential in each one of them. I am so grateful to get to witness their blossoming. The next morning when I read the cards I sat on my front porch and cried. I just cried. I am so grateful for such hard working, open, honest and inspiring students. I learn from them much much more from them than I can ever teach them.

The DragonFlies...
DeeDee's back massage before I went on stage and a little whisper, "Look what you've created. This is all you. Enjoy it!" Thank you. Megan's optimism as she says to me, "Don't worry, everything is going to be great. Let it go!" Thank you. Jeni's assuring smiles in the darkness in between costume changes. Thank you. The DragonFlies are amazing. I have so much gratitude for each of you.

Trav'lin Home Press Release

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE CONTACT: Kandice Grossman (573) 815-9187
May 5, 2008

“Trav’lin Home” Photography and Dance Fusion
Benefit for Veterans of the Iraqi War via Military Families Speak Out
May 31, 2008, at Launer Auditorium – Columbia College 7:30pm

COLUMBIA – Columbia enjoys a fresh new fusion of dance and photography when “Trav’lin Home” comes to Launer Auditorium on May 31. The show – which brings many of Columbia’s most exciting dancers together onto a single stage as a form of community expression and activism– is the brainchild of Kandice Grossman, owner and artistic director of Columbia’s own Moon Belly Dance Studio.

“This production is about community, activism, diversity and the unique contributions of the individual,” says Grossman, whose sensual and intensely personal choreography has been seen throughout Mid-Missouri since 2004. “Community because it brings together artists and performers who are rooted here. This show is definitely by the community for the community. Diversity because it presents a wide range of performers and artists – it’s not every day a belly dancer shares the stage with a tap dancer and a hip hop company! Most importantly, it is an expression of the need to actively support our troops through the medium of dance. It is dance activism at a grassroots and intimate level.”

The show is about the individual journey each one of us makes through life, in particularly the female journey. All performers in the show are women. Their gendered roles as women, mothers, wives and workers influence Grossman’s choreography and vision. Women are socialized into the role of caregiver, responsible for the well-being and maintenance of the family and home. This “politics of care” along with the experience of motherhood as a powerful political identity has galvanized Grossman’s movement to speak out on behalf of US military veterans who are suffering upon their return home form the Iraq war. Grossman is excited to be performing the Middle Eastern art form of belly dance while also addressing an issue relevant to Americans fighting in the Middle East.

Multi-layered visuals and movement will encompass: Scene 1 regarding birth and childhood; Scene 2 carries us through the most challenging aspects of life, including adolescence, love, parenthood, sex and gender, and the reality of the urban environment; Scene 3 concludes with a powerful look at death and rebirth. “The theme of traveling home is both literal and symbolic. It is about the journey to find peace within our selves and our community and to develop the ability to listen to our hearts,” says Grossman.

Grossman – who was voted Best Belly Dancer in Columbia 2008 by Inside Columbia magazine – has invited a host of local and Midwestern artists to interpret different aspects of the human condition. Performers include:
• The Dragonflies Belly Dance Company, a five-member performance troupe known for its fusion of modern dance with traditional belly dance, as well as outstanding technique and artistry
• Members of Moon Belly Dance Studio performance groups
• The Outer Limits Dance Team, a high-energy collective of University of Missouri students who perform, teach and compete in hip hop dance
• Stacie Strong, a rhythm tap dancer and dance journalist who recently moved to the Columbia area
• Youth jazz dancers from Dance Arts of Columbia

A speaker and representative of Military Families Speak Out will be offering a testimonial about their personal experiences as a veteran of the Iraq War to begin the show followed by dance segments interwoven with photography and projections by Chicago photographer Nichelle Lawrence. The production also boasts stage installations by Columbia College student Angie Taylor and costumes by House of Van Sickle, led by Columbia designer Suzanne Van Sickle.

“This collaboration is about celebration of life, movement, birth, death and community. It is about women carving time out of their busy lives to express care about issues and people outside of themselves. It is about community artists sending a message to others: let’s motivate!” says Grossman.

“Trav’lin Home” will show one time only at 7:30 p.m. Saturday, May 31, 2008, at Launer Auditorium on the Columbia College campus (1001 Rogers St.). Tickets available at the door ONLY.
Adults: $7 - $10 sliding scale
Children under 12: $4
Children under 5: FREE


Contact information:
Kandice Grossman, Moon Belly Dance Studio, The DragonFlies Belly Dance Company
Parkade Plaza, Business Loop 70 W, Suite #124, Columbia, MO 65202
bellydance@moonbelly.org
www.moonbelly.org

Nichelle Lawrence, Life Photography by Nichelle
nichellelawrence@gmail.com
www.lifephotographybynichelle.com

Stacy Hafley, Military Families Speak Out
Stacy@mfso.org
www.mfso.org

Trav'lin Home Tagged

Moon Belly Performance Ensemble
is proud to present:

Trav'lin Home
Photography and Dance Fusion

Saturday, May 31st, 7:30pm
Launer Auditorium, Columbia College
BENEFIT TO SUPPORT OUR TROOPS
via Military Families Speak Out
$7-10 sliding scale, kids under 5 FREE

1. A large portion of the proceeds from this show will go toward supporting US troops and veterans from the Iraqi War via Military Families Speak Out. I got the idea to give support to veterans after listening to the Winter Soldier reports on NPR last month. I cried every morning for a week until I realized I could help.

2. We have a variety of performers in the show. It is truly by the community for the community. The variety includes belly dancing by The DragonFlies Belly Dance Company and Moon Belly Performance Ensemble, Rhythm tap by Stacie Strong, hip-hop with Outer Limits Dance Team, lyrical ballet, youth jazz dancers from Dance Arts.

3. We have performers of all ages in the show from age 13 to age 55!

4. The dancers in this show all have full-time jobs. Most have kids and husbands. We all have busy lives. We have all carved out lots of time and energy for this project because we believe in the power of expression, movement and action.

5. Almost all of the costumes in the show were created by a bad-ass local fashion designer by the royal name of Suzanne Vansickle AKA: HOUSE OF VANSICKLE.

6. The photography exhibit will be presented by Chicago artist Nichelle Lawrence. Her work is amazing and emotionally moving. I first met Nichelle on the job at Chuck E. Cheese in 1992.

6. I have always felt an identity clash between performing and studying a Middle Eastern art form while my country is at war with a Middle Eastern country. I am grateful that I have the freedom of expression as a woman to embrace the art form. This show is an offer of appreciation to its Middle Eastern roots.

7. I am an alumni at Columbia College. I am currently faculty at Columbia College. So trav'lin home is literal for me. I am trav'lin back to the campus where I received so much inspiration and support to do what I believe in.

8. You will not see a traditional belly dance performance. I don't perform traditional belly dance. It comes out something like a modern contemporary fusion of belly dance. I have to be honest with what comes out and keep it real to my heart.

9. The show is on May 31st. This is also the first birthday of my neice, Orrin Elizabeth. I witnessed her birth last year! I was the first person to hold and kiss her.

10. I can't think of anything else other than the Trav'lin Home production. If I start to talk about boys or movies...somebody please intervene and redirect energies. Something has gone seriously wrong.